We’re Allowed to have Boundaries

I have to learn that I’m allowed to have boundaries and verbalize them.

Is it because I’m a man? It seems that women are taught to have boundaries earlier on, and they practice enforcing them (for instance by rejecting unwanted attention from men).

It’s still hard for me, but yes, we’re allowed to say “no” if someone wants something from us. Some guys will be surprised to hear this, but we’re even allowed to say “no” to sex. We don’t always have to pay. We don’t have to sacrifice our lives for our careers or to defend our countries like we’ve done since civilization exists. Or maybe it’s not even a men vs. women thing and it has more to do with our upbringing, our genes and our culture. It’s more difficult if you have narcissistic parents, obviously.

All I know is I have a super hard time saying what I want and what I don’t want. “Everything is ok with me” has always been my go-to philosophy because I have a certain disdain for people who put their needs first and throw a tantrum if they don’t get what they want. And I couldn’t really afford to behave like that growing up with two brothers and a sister. I was always the “easy” kid who didn’t make too many problems, I think, and I didn’t want to burden my mother.
That’s how I could summarize how I live my life: I don’t want to burden anyone.

Actually, I often don’t even know what I want because I’m so used to putting my needs last, which makes it harder. I almost regret that I haven’t rebelled more against my parents when they decided which instruments I should play or that I should study more.

I’ve recently started telling people that I prefer to text instead of calling. I know they think I’m totally crazy but I don’t care. Why do I have to accommodate them and their preferences all the time?

It takes courage to say “I’m not in the mood to talk right now” because the only acceptable reaction to people wanting to socialize seems to be “Yes” or “No, but later”.

Now, when I’m not in the mood to talk or meet up, I deliberately practice telling people exactly that instead of finding an excuse. I’ve still got a long way to go, though, to live in authenticity and self-love.

😴 What might help you find calm

Intentional ASMR Picks:

💎 Hidden Gem:
Makayla ASMR. How does she make these mouth sounds? Her energy is amazing, she reminds me of the singer SZA. Check out this intense energy plucking session, for instance 

Unintentional ASMR Picks: