I have to learn that I’m allowed to have boundaries and verbalize them.
Is it because I’m a man? It seems that women are taught to have boundaries earlier on, and they practice enforcing them (for instance by rejecting unwanted attention from men).
It’s still hard for me, but yes, we’re allowed to say “no” if someone wants something from us. Some guys will be surprised to hear this, but we’re even allowed to say “no” to sex. We don’t always have to pay. We don’t have to sacrifice our lives for our careers or to defend our countries like we’ve done since civilization exists. Or maybe it’s not even a men vs. women thing and it has more to do with our upbringing, our genes and our culture. It’s more difficult if you have narcissistic parents, obviously.
All I know is I have a super hard time saying what I want and what I don’t want. “Everything is ok with me” has always been my go-to philosophy because I have a certain disdain for people who put their needs first and throw a tantrum if they don’t get what they want. And I couldn’t really afford to behave like that growing up with two brothers and a sister. I was always the “easy” kid who didn’t make too many problems, I think, and I didn’t want to burden my mother.
That’s how I could summarize how I live my life: I don’t want to burden anyone.
Actually, I often don’t even know what I want because I’m so used to putting my needs last, which makes it harder. I almost regret that I haven’t rebelled more against my parents when they decided which instruments I should play or that I should study more.
I’ve recently started telling people that I prefer to text instead of calling. I know they think I’m totally crazy but I don’t care. Why do I have to accommodate them and their preferences all the time?
It takes courage to say “I’m not in the mood to talk right now” because the only acceptable reaction to people wanting to socialize seems to be “Yes” or “No, but later”.
Now, when I’m not in the mood to talk or meet up, I deliberately practice telling people exactly that instead of finding an excuse. I’ve still got a long way to go, though, to live in authenticity and self-love.
😴 What might help you find calm
Intentional ASMR Picks:
- Winter Hibernation Clinic by Latte – what a cool idea! My partner just recently asked why we don’t hibernate and sleep through the cold, and I don’t disagree
- Or how about this tingly doctor checkup by Be Brave be You – I enjoy watching her authentic and unique roleplays
- Gentle Whispering’s hair care session with shampoo, steaming and combing was nice, as expected
- I don’t know why I missed this but it’s excellent: A Korean high end Spa treatment by ASMR Boyoung 반보영
- And finally, here’s my cozy, warm bath ASMR (with combing, shampoo head massage sounds and lots of personal attention)
💎 Hidden Gem:
Makayla ASMR. How does she make these mouth sounds? Her energy is amazing, she reminds me of the singer SZA. Check out this intense energy plucking session, for instance
Unintentional ASMR Picks:
- This screen repair & case replacement was way more relaxing than expected (LE55ONS has a great voice)
- I love the tailor Maurice Sedwell’s channel for unintentional ASMR. Check out this recent video on tools and materials used in bespoke tailoring
- This guy (To The Point) makes super relaxing reviews: Here’s him comparing different Bose products
- Or how about some DIY craft tutorials? You’ll find tons of ASMR-inducing content on HappyBird’s Glitter Nest, like this kitsch Kitten decor
- I love this very meticulous table tennis racket tester – people who take their job seriously are great (for ASMR)