“Neurotic Mode”

I’m just packing my backpack (I’m going on a 2 week trekking-outdoor-camping trip to Lofoten Islands in the North of Norway).

I don’t love packing, especially since I have to limit myself to just a few items. Did I forget something? Should I bring more socks or less? How will I wash them? How will I defend against brown bears that will surely come into my tent at night? (Don’t laugh – I googled this. They do exist in Norway, technically, as do Wolves. I’m fine if they want to kill me, but please don’t break my legs and then slowly eat me while I’m alive like in those brutal animal documentaries).

Anyhooooow…. now that you caught a glimpse of my beautiful mind, let’s get to the point that was interesting to me: Why does packing make me anxious? Shouldn’t that be easy and fun?

I suppose I don’t like it because it gets me into my “neurotic mode”, in which I typically don’t just get it done, but instead I obsessively think about getting it done. Coincidentally, obsessively thinking about it will make me avoid it and put if off all the more.

Why am I like this? I feel like I had to become somewhat neurotic, because if I wasn’t, I would just forget about “real life”. I would just live in my ruminating head, in a fantasy world on some castle in the clouds, where everyday problems don’t even concern me (and I’ll pack 30 socks but no passport or credit card).

For me to not stumble through life like a blind person (which I mostly do, still), it appears that I had to create a loud voice in my head which screams, pretty much all the time and every day: “WAKE UP! There must be something wrong – what is it? Where did you screw up? If you don’t know what’s wrong, you just haven’t looked closely enough!”

I mean, probably everybody has that voice, to some extent. Only mine is a bit louder and more annoying, I suppose.

And that voice has a few advantages, for getting good grades at school or actually having a high chance of packing everything I need.

But it also comes at a high cost. It’s obsessive-compulsive, and I’m not that far away from those OCD people who wash their hands every 5 minutes.
And yeah, it’s stressful and it doesn’t feel that great. That screaming voice in my head isn’t the most gentle and easy-going companion. It will probably make me sleep less and lose some of my enthusiasm for the vacation.

But hopefully I’ll get better at shutting it down, someday and somehow.

😴 What might help you find calm

Intentional ASMR Picks:

  • After a bit of a break, ASMR Darling is back with a nice trigger assortment from bed
  • I don’t even know what to say about this superb, futuristic masterpiece by Zeitgeist who keeps on pushing the envelope
  • Gibi made a Zuko roleplay (yes, the guy from Avatar), and I clicked just because he’s one of the best anime villains, in my opinion
  • Of course I can’t forget Latte’s makeup removing video (even if you don’t wear makeup, this is excellent:)
  • Oh and I made a compilation of unusual Unintentional ASMR from TikTok (even if you dislike TikTok, some of the sounds are great, like a Hippo or a Kangaroo eating)

💎 Hidden Gem: Tiptoe Tingles ASMR can’t really be called a small channel with over 50k subscribers – but I’ve never seen her before, which I regret because her videos are excellent (like this chaotic trigger assortment)

Unintentional ASMR Picks:

You might have seen some of these on my channel – but if you haven’t, I think they’re all great and relaxing (they’re online again after being private for a bit):